


I will wait for you under the stars

by itsgaydude



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Angst, Childhood Friends, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, High School, Multi, Post-Break Up, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-08
Updated: 2019-11-25
Packaged: 2021-01-25 05:53:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 21,481
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21351301
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsgaydude/pseuds/itsgaydude
Summary: Kara and Lena met the first day of sophomore year and dated all through high school. Suddenly, Lena moved away from the small town of Midvale and cut all ties between them. But not before she made a promise to Kara. If she ever changed her mind, she could meet her on the rooftop where they started dating, on their anniversary. Whatever happens, wherever Kara ended up, she would make sure to be there.She didn't show up the first year, nor the second. In fact, it had been 8 years since the promise was made. And every year, on the date of their anniversary, Kara still waits for Lena where they promised to meet again.
Relationships: Alex Danvers/Maggie Sawyer, Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor, Kara Danvers/Mon-El
Comments: 148
Kudos: 264





	1. The rooftop

Kara did as she promised she would, all those years ago when she was but a teenager in love. She made her way to the rooftop of the tallest building in town. Where the only movie theatre in the small town was located. Sitting down on top of the blanket she had brought with her.

Her sister had told her not to do it. Another year, another disappointment. That's how Alex saw it all. And the more years passed, the more Alex argued she shouldn't do it anymore. But Kara held unto the hope that one year the outcome would change. That one year the girl she used to be in love with would walk through the rooftop door and into her life again.

They had made a promise after all.

____________________________________

Kara could pinpoint the moment she first felt attracted to someone. She could tell you the exact date and what she was doing when she saw the person who would change her life forever. A thing like that leaves a mark. One she will carry her whole life, she's sure.

It was during the first period of the first day in high school. She was officially a freshmen. It must have been about ten minutes into the class when a girl walked into the classroom, late and looking noticeably confident. She knew everyone in the small town so Kara was sure this was a new student. Which made the confidence in the way she carried herself all the more impressive. Even Kara struggled to walk confidently through the high school.

To say that she took her breath away would be a lie. It wasn't like in the movies where someone sees the other person and they feel their heart pumping in their chest, as if eminent cardiac arrest was a sign that you fell for someone. She didn't feel nervous or like the girl flipped her world upside down either. 

Instead, Kara felt calm. The kind that you feel on those days when you have no worries, the weather is perfect and you get to sit back and enjoy life. It felt the same as when she would lay down on the rooftop of the movie theatre and look up at the starts. It was calm, familiar and beautiful. All wrapped up in one person. It might not have rocked her world, but it made it easier.

Kara always preferred to sit in the back of the class. Mostly because she didn't have many friends. Actually, she was mostly alone whenever Alex wasn't around so not having many friends was an understatement. Being adopted and a foreigner with a tragic background in a small town wasn't exactly a good thing. People mocked and gossiped about her all the time. But it was fine because she still managed to entertain herself. Besides, she's pretty sure that Alex might be becoming soft towards her. Maybe. Hopefully.

The girl with the pretty eyes introduced herself to the class. Lena Luthor. Kara made a mental note of the name. It was unusual but she thought it fit her perfectly. As did the accent. Was it Irish? Maybe that's where she moved from. With every passing second, Kara took a note of another detail about the girl. How her clothes were perfectly ironed. How strong her jawline was. The fact the girl had several piercings in each ear. As she got closer to her table, she noticed that Lena had an eye more blue and another greener. She started to wonder if endearing was the right way to describe her. 

Earlier that day she had announced that despite her fears, she thought this school year would be even better than the last. Kara was only fifteen minutes into the school year and that statement had already come true.

The new girl sat besides her as that was the only seat available. Probably because nobody was really looking to sit next to her. She glanced to her right side and was met with Lena staring back at her. Kara wasn't sure why but she decided then and there she would make it her mission to befriend the new girl.

___________________________________

Kara unlocked her phone, opening her photo gallery and going through each photo on her folder named "Lena". To others this might seem masochist, but to her it was happy. Of course, she was hurt each time Lena stood her up. And of course she wishes things were different. But her memories with that girl in the photographs were happy. She still held them close to her heart. No matter how things had turned out, nothing would change the fact that Lena was her first love and that she had made her happy for years. 

The photos were mostly terrible quality. At least compared to the photos people take these days. Back then they mostly used horrible phone cameras, those cliché pink digital cameras and of course instant cameras. She had scanned those last ones, making sure she would always have them saved. Just in case she ever misplaced any of them. As if she didn't know exactly where everything related to Lena was kept. She had a box filled with their things in her garage. 

Sometimes she caught herself wondering what Lena was doing at the moment. Kara would be at work or maybe at home and just let herself wonder. She imagines a successful adult Lena. Probably out there saving the world, as she always said she would do. Kara hopes that wherever Lena is, she is happy. 

She would be lying if she said she doesn't also imagine what they could have been like. Had Lena stayed. But Lena was always too big for this small town. It would have held her back. She knew that. Maybe Kara should have packed her things up and gone with her. She had wondered what it would have been like if she had done just that. Would they still be together? Would Kara have been happy? Would Lena?


	2. The ring

She had been out there in the cold for far too long, Kara could tell by how tired she was feeling. Looking at her phone, she confirmed that it had been four hours already. It was nearing midnight at this point. She had been there since the sun had gone down, just in case Lena wanted to show up literally when the night started.

Maybe everyone else was right to call her out on her blind belief that "some girl she dated in high school" would show up after all these years. For all she knew, Lena had forgotten all about her existence. Maybe Lena had a family of her own and wasn't really looking to meet up with her high school ex. She couldn't even hold that against her.

Kara sighed, tomorrow would change her entire life. Forever. One word and nothing would be the same. Maybe part of her was still hoping that Lena would come save her just like she used to in high school. She always seemed to know when she needed her. But this time she wasn't here.

If she were honest with herself, she would have to admit that she was settling. But then again, she would always have to settle. When you compare anyone with Lena and then take her out of the equation, leaving only one choice, anything would be settling. Besides, it isn't as if she couldn't tell Mike was only with her because she was passive about his behavior.

Yes, Kara was sitting here hoping her ex would show up while she is in a relationship. It wasn't exactly something she was proud of. But it's not like she would want Lena to burst through that door and kiss her. She just wants her back in her life. And okay, maybe having Lena back could influence the decision she has to make. But it isn't like they would date again.

She pulled out the small square box from her jacket, opening it to look at the ring inside once more. It was a nice ring. Generic but nice. Well, except for the diamond on it. If Mike listened to her, he would have known she hates diamonds. Lena would have known that about her. She hated them ever since she saw a documentary on the industry. Hell, she had written a whole paper on it her senior year. And Mike had been right there, in class.

She closed the box and placed it in the jacket again. Mike had no idea about the promise. He didn't know where she was at. As far as he was aware, she was spending the night with her sister. Maybe it would seem cruel and mean to lie to him. But it wasn't as if he didn't lie all the time about where he was. "I'm going to work late. Don't wait up." he would say, meanwhile he's getting drunk at the local strip club.

Kara had never actually expected for Mike to propose. Sure, they had been dating for two years but he had continuously stated he thought of marriage as a death sentence. Yet she found herself staring at him on his knee holding the ring mid dinner just the night before. In the middle of a restaurant to make it all worse.

It had been incredibly awkward to say she needs to think about it but luckily Mike had his nice moments and gave her until tomorrow to respond.

Maybe by sunrise she would have a clear answer because right now there was still a pending factor that could outweight the "what do I have to lose?". Weirdly, that was the strongest point in favor of a yes.

Mike was a nice guy though, he really was. He could be fun and kind but he could also be a giant baby she would have to take care of. Not to mention the fact he did love to throw her flaws right at her face whenever some minor fight broke out. But they did have a good thing going. They had a nice house, comfortable routines, they had their good days too when they would do something like going to the movies or out for dinner. Everyone told her that's how relationships are. At least in Midvale.

In National City things might be different. Judging by Alex and Maggie. Or by Brian and Nia. They seem to always be doing different things. It doesn't seem like they have a monotonous life at all.

But Mike doesn't want to move there. He likes Midvale. Kara was never particularly fond of the town. Sure, it became her home, but she always wanted to move somewhere else. Her and Lena used to make future plans about moving to a big city, buying an apartment in one of the tallest buildings and never falling into that routine boring lifestyle. They even had a favorite building in National City. Lena used to say one day she would buy a whole floor for the two of them. It just never happened.

When Lena first announced she was moving away, Kara felt the urge to follow her but at the time she couldn't. Jeremiah, her adoptive father, was too sick and at the local hospital. It wasn't as if 18 years old her could have asked her adoptive family to move somewhere so she could follow her high school girlfriend. And Kara would never have just left when every single day could be his last.

After he died, she considered moving away. But kept postponing it, until she found herself with a permanent job as a reporter for the local newspaper. Then she used the job as an excuse to stick around. When Alex moved away to National City to become a detective instead of continuing to be a local cop, she tried to convince Kara to join her. Yet she was already dating Mike and he didn't want to move away. Maybe it was due to what happened with Lena but she didn't want to repeat what happened between them so she stuck around. And now here she still is, 26 years old and a reporter at the local newspaper. Not exactly leaving up to her potential, most would say. 

She might not know what Lena is up to these days but she knows that she wouldn't compare. Someone like Lena deserves more. Better. Maybe that's why she hasn't even bothered showing up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fanfic so far is filled with inner monologues. I hope that's fine with you guys. Next chapter should feature other characters.


	3. The answer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I guess I was feeling inspired.

It doesn't happen in a second, or even a minute. It happens gradually. With each passing hour, she loses the hope that the girl she loved will ever show up. And then the sun is up and Kara knows what she has to do.

She doesn't go home right away. Instead she drives around for a few hours, trying to clear her head. And maybe also stops at random moments so she can cry her heart out in the middle of nature.

She knows Mike should be home around five so she makes sure to arrive just before that and make them some food. Kara should be looking forward to what's to come but she feels like she's mourning.

She isn't sure if she's mourning her foolish hope that she tended to for all these years, or mourning the complete death of any chance her and Lena could maybe go back to how they were. Either way, she would definitely need to pull out all the fake smiles she could muster for tonight.

When she said yes, Mike smiled widely and as far as Kara could tell, it was genuine. For the first time in a long while they talked and she did feel like he was paying attention. Maybe she could actually do this. Maybe she could still be happy.

So that was a fucking lie. She could not do this. That's what her mind kept telling her as it kept her awake through the entire night. It had been two days since she last slept and yet her brain thought it wise to go over all her bad decisions.

"Are you okay?" Mike asked, his voice deeper than normal. He yawned causing her to do the same. "Are you that happy that you can't fall asleep?"

She hummed in response. "It's a lot to process, I guess." she wasn't lying. "I'm engaged."

"I'll be the first to admit that I never saw that coming."

"Oh, I'm aware. Mister I never want to get married."

"Does that make you Mrs. I never want to get married?"

"You still have to actually marry me for us to share your last name."

Mike let out a laugh before kissing her forehead. "Try to get some sleep. Your dark circles are starting to make you look like a raccoon." He quickly rolled over to the other side again. 

She hit his back lightly at his comment, smiling genuinely for the first time that night. Kara did enjoy when they were playful like that but unfortunately it was a rare occurrence.

The following day they went to Eliza's house to visit her and give her the news. She might have seemed more worried than happy. Or maybe Kara was projecting.

Soon after they left, she video called her sister and announced she would soon be Mike's wife. Alex might have looked like someone punched her right in the gut and Kara swears she heard Maggie go through several different stages in the back. There were some snorts, "how could I have been so wrong" had been said multiple times, she looked at Kara through the monitor at least five times before disappearing again after each time and telling Alex she would break up with her if they were punking her. Alex asked her if she was sure far too many times as well.

Mike said all the guys at work had been happy for him which was good. Though apparently, some also congratulated him on curing her gayness. No doubt remembering the rumors about her relationship with Lena.

Yes, rumors because Midvale is a small town and unfortunately only a few selected people were allowed to know the truth. The rest might have assumed things and yes, there were rumors but they never confirmed nor denied them.

Kara's co workers were happy for her. Or so they seemed. She thinks she might have been given a few envious looks by some of the women she works with. Mike was an attractive man by society standards so she knew that there would be several women who would gladly take her place.

At the end of the night, when they both settled into the living room couch, Kara made sure to update her social media to include the news.

"Some of the guys have told me you women like to take a while to plan your wedding so I was thinking instead of rushing it, we could get married on the anniversary of the proposal. What do you think?"

Kara faked a smile, nodding as she kept looking at the television. "That sounds like a good idea."

She wanted to say no but had no excuse to give. Because how could she explain that having her wedding be the day after her anniversary with the woman she loved would only make it a painful day, not a happy one? She was meant to be way over it already. At least as far as he is concerned.

Maybe she should be taking this as life telling her she wouldn't go to that rooftop again. But what she heard was something like, you have one last shot. If she isn't there then, you'll walk away and never look back.

Kara might have cursed her brain and told herself she would need to go blind to never look back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I already have an important chapter written down and honestly it's going to be painful as hell.


	4. The rain

It had been the most mentally and physically exhausting year of her adult life. At this point all Kara wanted to do was get it over with. If she could just say "I do" and be done with the whole thing she would yell it into the wind right this moment.

Tomorrow she would get married. Supposedly it was to be the happiest day of her life. It didn't seem like it. She could make a list of the top ten days of her whole life right now and she doubts that it will be included anywhere. 

But maybe life will prove her wrong. She's starting to get used to that.

Especially on days such as this one, the day where foolish naive Kara would go to a rooftop and spend the night in the cold waiting for someone who would never come. God, she felt pathetic. 

Kara sighed, preparing the backpack of snacks and water that she always carried with her whenever she would wait for Lena. This was just ridiculous but here she was, putting on her shoes and jacket and heading out the door. Pretending to be on the way to a party thrown by Alex when really they had agreed she needed to do this one last time. So she wouldn't have any regrets going into this marriage.

This year the flight of stairs to the rooftop seemed bigger. Or maybe it was the fact that she didn't allow herself to be positive about this anymore.

She opened the door and walked slowly, making her way close enough to the edge but keeping a safe distance. "Only rain could make this more depressing." she spoke out, sighing as she looked at the view.

"I don't know. I've always rather liked the time I spent on this roof."

Kara froze. She wanted to turn. She really did. But part of her thought she might be imagining things and if she turned then she would realise that she was still alone.

"Great, Kara. Now you've officially gone crazy."

"Eh." she heard footsteps approaching from behind her but still didn't move. "I've met crazier."

The woman was now standing right behind her. She could feel her breathing against her hair. It took everything in her to turn around and when she did, she was transported to the day she first saw her. "You're here."

"I'm here."

There was a moment of silence between them. Kara was trying to take it all in but the fact Lena was actually there on its own was already mind blowing. Then she had to add the fact Lena had got at least one hundred times more attractive since she last saw her. Which seemed impossible until this very moment, considering she had never seen anyone even remotely as good looking.

"You're doing the staring thing, Kara."

"Why are you here?" her eyebrows were furrowed. Now she comes back? After nine years when she is getting married the very next day? Kara wanted to curse at her. She wanted to yell. She wanted to lecture her about promises.

"I guess I couldn't live with myself if I didn't try."

"Try what?"

"To stop you from marrying."

Kara nearly busted a lung from how hard she laughed. It must have lasted at least five minutes too but she couldn't help it. The whole thing was straight out of a comedy.

"Kara."

"No." she raised her hand, taking a moment to gather her thoughts before speaking. "I waited for you for nearly a decade. I was here year after year. And where were you? Nowhere to be found. Literally. I looked you up, Lena. Couldn't find you. You know who was here while you were gone? Mike. He was here and you weren't. You were out there living your life without me in it. And that's a choice you made, Lena. So what do you want? Now you don't want me to marry? So that you can go back to your life and leave me here again? Leave me coming to this fucking rooftop and waiting all night long for someone who never bothers to show up? Am I supposed to be here waiting for you in case one day you feel bored and decide to come back to me?" she isn't sure at which point she had started to scream. Kara was not one to snap at others, yet here she was. Yelling at Lena. And apparently crying. Something she only noticed once the tears rolled down her face.

"I could try to explain but to be completely honest, I'm not sure my explanation would justify what I made you go through." Lena was fighting away tears. She might have grown but Kara still knew her. Maybe not every aspect of her, but well enough.

"Last year I sat here the entire night, hoping you would walk through that door and stop me from saying yes." she admits, sighing before wiping her tears away with the sleeve of her jacket.

"Last year I hoped I could have stopped you."

Kara doesn't respond. She instead stares at her own feet. Finally noticing that the other woman had not grown taller. She had just been wearing heels.

"I'm not here to win you over. Nor am I here to stop you from marrying out of possessiveness. I'm here because I don't want you to make a mistake. Your whole life you have undervalued yourself. You're better than this small town. You always were. Someone like you shouldn't be stuck here working in a small newspaper reporting on things such as the weather or road accidents. You're much bigger than that, Kara, and until you realise that, you'll continue to be here, living a life that was never meant for people like you." Lena spoke these words as if she was going over a script she knew by heart. Kara wondered how many times she had gone over this in her head. How many times she had practice. Was it the same each time? Did it change? Did Lena tell her she still loves her in any version of this, even if only in her mind? "For all I know, Mike could have changed after high school and become a great man. And if I am wrong and you're truly happy with your life then I'll swallow my words but I always thought one day you'd be writing articles about things you're passionate about. Changing the world one article at the time as you used to dream of. Yet you never got out of here. You never took a chance. You chose safety over happiness."

Kara wanted to argue that she was happy and that she was fulfilled. But she couldn't. She couldn't look into Lena's eyes and lie to her. She had never been able to do so.

"Not all of us can be you. Not all of us can just move and never look back. Never take others into consideration. Not all of us are selfish."

Lena nodded, biting her lip nervously before running a hand through her hair.

"You're right. I was selfish. You see, I also chose safety. Just like you did. Only thing was, your safety was staying here. Mine was doing what my mother said in order to take over the family company one day."

"Is that why you never showed up? For a company?"

"For our future. For the future of the world. Of everyone we know. Of you and I."

"How noble." Kara didn't know she had it in her to speak like this but all the resentment against Lena was pouring out of her.

"I was trying to become my own person. To do something for myself. Would you have been happy if I had come back only to stay miserable here in Midvale with you?"

"No. But after, you could have come back. You could have at least let me know you were still alive and well."

"I told you that I would never lie to you, Kara. So I'm not going to stand here and tell you that I didn't make mistakes. I did. But I had my reasons to do everything I did. It doesn't make it hurt any less. You were hurt because I didn't come? So was I because I knew it was in my hands but I had to choose."

Their conversation was suddenly interrupted by heavy rain, causing them both to run inside the building.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to remind you all that people aren't all white or black. Meaning, people normally fall under the grey area. Lena and kara both have flaws and have messed up in different ways. Neither of them have done something irredeemable. And lena does have a point. So does kara.
> 
> Next chapter will sort of be a callback to this conversation but in the past. We will sorta see how both started in the same place but approached life in different ways and thats why their lives are so different now


	5. The start

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All of this chapter takes place in the past. Also, it has a lot of call backs to things in past chapters.

It was Halloween and ever since the school year had started, she found herself enjoying life more and more with each passing day. Before she might have felt a bit overwhelmed by such events but knowing Lena would be around calmed her.

Lena had announced they were going to trick or treat that night. She didn't even ask Kara. Probably because she knew how she would have said no to it. Lena often did that. She would just take her plan to have a ordinary boring routine and shake it all up. Kara always ended up appreciating those days the best. So she didn't try to argue against the idea of dressing up and asking random people for candy. If Lena says it will be fun, then she's sure she will enjoy it.

Lena dresses up as Leia. Because she's just that much of a geek, Kara found that out when they were discussing favorite movies. And yes, Lena had forced her to binge watch star wars once she found out that she hadn't seen those movies.

Kara had decided to dress up as superman. Lena had asked her why she didn't dress up as something else and then Kara had explained that Clark Kent being a reporter made her realise that she would one day like to be a reporter for a big journal too so that she could help others. "I want to change the world, one article at a time." 

Lena looked at her in a way she had never seen anyone do. At least not directed at her. Kara wondered what that was all about but quickly dismissed it. Lena was probably thinking she was being silly.

_______________________________

It was during their first spring together that they first kissed. It wasn't planned and it only happened one time. Well, until they eventually admitted their feelings months later.

They had been swimming in the lake all afternoon. Right until their hands were starting to turn blue so they both realised maybe it was time to get out of the water. Next thing they know they're laying next to each other. Lena is telling about her dream of saving the world with science. "One day I will cure cancer. You'll see." she had said. Kara finally understood the look Lena had given her when she spoke about wanting to be a reporter.

Lena always told her that sometimes she should give into her desires. If she really felt like doing something, she should go ahead and do it. As long as it didn't hurt anyone, it was all good. That seemed to be Lena's philosophy. And the reason why no day around her was ever the same.

So Kara applied it to this moment. She was looking right at Lena and in that moment all she wanted to do was kiss her. So she did. And to her surprise Lena kissed her back.

But then as quickly as it had started, it ended. And Lena muttered some excuse about homework and practically ran away from her.

She thought that would change their relationship. Maybe Lena wouldn't want her around anymore. Maybe things would be awkward. But she was wrong.

Nothing changed. That should have made her happy but it didn't. It wasn't until months later that she found out why. Because she wanted to be with Lena.

__________________________________

Kara tended to play it safe. Lena however, would gladly take risks even if they didn't pay off. She admired that about her. Maybe wished she did that more often.

Kara was the type to speak her mind only to those she trusted. To give her opinion when asked, to be subtle about standing up for what is right. Unless she was angered to a certain point. Meanwhile, Lena would stand in the middle of people who hated her and tell them they're wrong. She didn't seem to be capable of being afraid.

______________________________

Kara had just punched someone.

She hadn't planned for it to happen. In fact, she was so blinded by anger and disgust that she didn't even realise what she had done until someone pulled her away from the guy.

She had broken his nose.

Kara would argue he deserved it but it was difficult to explain why she had done it. They would probably support him, not her.

It didn't happen at school. Luckily. It happened at a diner. One that Lena and her often go to.

They were just about to get on their bikes and go to Kara's when this guy approached them. She knows him, but couldn't tell you if they ever spoke before. Next thing she knows he's taunting Lena. Saying that he heard a rumor. That Lena liked girls. He said it in a way that was supposed to mock the fact Lena might be gay, as if that was wrong. She could feel her heart pumping against her chest. Anger building up inside her the more he spoke. His friends were standing behind him far enough to hear but not bothering to walk up to them. They all seemed amused by the situation.

She could tell Lena was angry. The hand she could see was shaking and the girl that would normally bite back without thinking twice was simply staring.

Kara didn't snap at his words, even if she wished she could stop him from talking. No. She snapped when he dared to touch Lena. When he grabbed her arm so she couldn't walk away, pulling her towards him.

So really, if he had a broken nose, it was the least of her worries. Because she can see Lena sitting far away and she can tell that she is hurting. So thank you very much for the lecture but she had a girl to cheer up.

Ever since her parents died, Kara struggled to take risks. To stand up against people like this. To say what is on her mind. To have her voice heard.

She was scared of anything that wasn't safe.

Her parents were always the type to take on a problem head on. Much like Lena. To speak their minds no matter what. Just like the girl she likes.

They would admire Lena. She's everything they were.

Meanwhile, ever since the accident, Kara settles. She settled for pretending to be a nice straight girl who has no opinions of her own. Until Lena showed up. When she's around Kara wants to be brave. She wants to speak her mind, consequences be dammed. She wants to punch ass holes when they hurt those she loves. And she definitely wants to kiss the girl she likes.

She takes Lena to the rooftop of the movie theatre. That has become their place. Where they go to after watching a movie or when they need to speak about more serious stuff. It's the highest building in town so the view is the best she's seen.

They were sitting on the ledge, Lena often did that, not minding the danger. Kara followed. "Is it true? What that guy said?".

Lena sighed, not looking at her. "Does it matter?"

Kara hesitated for a second but she nodded. "It does to me."

"Why? Will you hate me if I say yes?"

Kara chuckled. "That would be a little too hypocritical of me. Not to mention I don't think I could ever hate you."

Lena was staring at her now, eyebrows going from surprise to confusion to whatever one raised eyebrow could be.

"I had never seen eyebrows go on an emotional journey before." she joked, smiling at her friend..

Lena chuckled, hitting her arm lightly. "Are you saying what I think?"

"Well, I did kiss you months ago. So what do you think?"

"I thought you regretted that. I kept waiting for you to bring it up and you never did. I didn't want to make a big deal out of it by forcing you to talk about it or just kissing you when you probably didn't want to kiss me."

"It's difficult for me to be brave. To fully embrace myself and just jump head first into things like you do."

"I know. Well, I think the bravery is there. Inside of you. But you need to let go of all the doubts and insecurities."

Kara nodded. "l do like you, Lena. And I do want to kiss you. Like all the damn time. Sometimes I'll be trying to sleep and my mind starts to imagine what it would be like if we were together."

Lena hummed, "Do tell."

"You're a renowned scientist, I'm an award winning journalist. I have finally let go of all my fears and you don't have to deal with jerks talking badly of you because the whole world loves you as much as I do. We bought that apartment we dreamed of in the tallest building."

"Sounds perfect."

"It is."

"Do we make it out of here?"

"Of course we do."

Kara smiled, she was feeling hopeful for the future. "Can I kiss you?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a bit different but hopefully good enough.
> 
> Sorry for posting too many chapters but I didn't wanna post it all in one. I like to divide them into different smaller chapters.


	6. The reason

Kara didn't allow herself to overthink this decision. She drove them to her house and now here she was, sitting across from Lena at her dining table. Normally she would have picked the couch but she needed something, anything, to be between them. To create some distance because if there was something Lena was an expert at, was breaking her walls.

"I suppose you'll be wanting an explanation now."

"I didn't bring you here to stare at you."

Lena smirked, in a way that Kara had never seen. But it did something to her and oh god. She was the hottest woman ever.

"That's too bad. I'm better at being eye candy than at explaining my stupid decisions."

Kara rolled her eyes. Amused but not wanting to show anything other than annoyance at the moment.

"Fine." Lena looked down at her hands before she spoke again. "When my mother first told me that we would be leaving, I considered running away. I had this whole plan mapped out. I would run away and take you with me. But I knew you wouldn't have come. It was the idealistic hopes of a teenager. A teenage girl that was madly in love."

Kara had her arms crossed, as if they were helping her hold herself. Keep herself from falling apart.

"I thought about coming back that first year. By then I was enrolled in college, on the other side of the country. Still, I bought a plane ticket. I had my bag packed."

"Why didn't you come back?"

"My mother. She heard about how I had purchased a plane ticket. She quickly figured out why that was. Lillian was never fond of us, as you know. Never supportive of who I am. Who I like. She took my passport, my ticket, froze my bank account. I suppose I could have tried calling but what would I say? I couldn't in good conscience ask you to wait for me. To wait until I was in charge of my own life."

Kara simply listened to her speak, tears forming in her eyes the more she did.

"I heard about Jeremiah. Well, wouldn't say heard. I might have looked through your social media at times. Yours and Alex's. I wanted to go back when it happened. But what kind of person would I be if I went back when you were that vulnerable? In my mind, that would have made it all the more difficult for us. I still had a lot to do before I could be free of my mother. Before I had my independence. And to come back when you were that vulnerable only to then leave again, that would have been cruel."

Lena sighed, her fingers playing with each other while she spoke.

"I sent flowers. To the grave and to Eliza's house. I'm not sure if you ever got those but it was the only address I knew."

"That was you?"

Lena tilted her head, looking slightly curious.

"I thought... Well, I was staying at Eliza's. I didn't want to leave her alone. Both Alex and I were there and then Mike showed up and he was holding flowers and I thought... I guess I assumed they were from him and he must have felt too awkward to say they weren't."

Kara knew that expression all too well. She could tell that Lena was angry.

"I guess in the end they're just flowers. It wouldn't have changed anything."

She didn't allow herself to think about it because yes, they were just flowers. And yet, part of her was screaming that yes, everything would have changed.

"As you might have heard, Lex lost it. He started selling weapons to dangerous people in secret. Eventually he was arrested and mother took over the company. I was still in college during all that but my mother made me a promise. She would give me control of Luthor Corp once she thought I was fitting of representing the Luthor name."

"You always wanted that."

"Mother knew that was my dream. To use Luthor Corp resources and better the world. A noble cause but not profitable for such company, she kept saying. She used that to keep me in place. For years, I would do as she said. I kept to myself and focused on my studies. If I wasn't sleeping then I was either at the labs in Luthor Corp or on campus. I spent more time in the library than I did in my own house."

Lena smiled sadly, she had never seen her do that before. Kara wanted to reach out and pull her into a hug but she didn't move.

"I thought after I graduated, she would give me control of the company. That I would have proved my worth to her and I could finally come back and get you out of here. I kept tabs on you, Kara. I read every article you ever wrote. I had hoped to see you write for a big news outlet one day. I still do."

"As predicted, Lillian had a few more demands. She wanted my lifestyle to change before she let me take control. That meant finding a good man to be by my side."

Kara wasn't surprised Lillian would do such thing but her eyes still widened at the words coming out of Lena's mouth.

"I hate your mother."

"You and I both."

"Tell me you told her to go fuck herself."

Now it was Lena's turn to be shocked. "Kara. You curse?"

"I thought the situation called for it."

"Well, I'm sorry to disappoint but bravery seemed to have abandoned me for a few years. Because I did as she said. I found a nice intelligent man she would approve of."

"Why? Lena, you don't even like men. Do you?"

"No, Kara, I don't." she took a deep breath and spoke again. "I saw you had moved on. You were happy with Mike. Yes, I stalked your social media. Don't judge me." she shrugged. "It wasn't your fault though. But you moving on made me think you were done waiting for me. I had nothing to come back for, as far as I knew. I could just pretend. Settle down with him and pretend until I got what I wanted. I had just lost the only person I ever loved. Its not like you are replaceable. So either way I would have ended up alone. Might as well keep him as company. He became my best friend."

Kara frowned. "Lena. I'm so sorry that you were in a situation that made you think you had to do that."

"So am I."

"So did you?"

"Did I what?"

"Get what you wanted."

"Part of it. I'm still working on the most important part."

"So you don't have control over the company."

"No, I do. Last year Lillian gave me full control over it. All I had to do was pass one final test."

"What was it? Was that why you didn't show up?"

"Last year I had plans to show up. I wanted to speak to you one last time. To tell you that you should get out of here and realize your full potential. I wanted to say goodbye. To who we were. To you. I wanted to see you in person one last time. But I finally understood you. I understood why you were still in Midvale. Why you wouldn't take risks or act on your feelings. I came all the way here, Kara. I was standing downstairs and my feet wouldn't move. I couldn't do it. Days later I found out you were engaged. So I assumed you hadn't been there in any case."

"Are you kidding me? You were here? I could have seen you?" Kara was still processing her words. If she had known. If only she had known...

"I got married, Kara. Weeks after that. That's how I got control of Luthor Corp."


	7. The wine

It was two am. It had taken them hours since the moment they met again to get here. An empty bottle of wine on the coffee table as they caught the other up on what they had missed. They were laying on the couch, each on one end, their feet meeting in the middle.

"Why didn't you move with Alex?" 

"I couldn't do that to her. Ever since I became part of the Danvers, Alex felt she was in my shadow. I only found out after she got completely wasted and acted up, landing herself in jail. She ranted about it the whole drive home to Eliza and I. When she moved to National City I didn't want to follow. I didn't want Alex to have to continue looking out for me, protecting me. I wanted to let be on her own."

Lena explained why there were no news on her. None that Kara could ever find. The Luthors had pretended she didn't exist. Never revealing her to the press. Only the investors in their circle knew about her. Then, by the time she did present herself to the press as she took over Luthor Corp, her name was no longer Luthor. Nor was Luthor Corp called that. L-Corp was her passion project. Kara vaguely recalls something about L-Corp but not about Lena. 

"I've been going by Kieran for a while now. I didn't want anyone from Midvale to realise I had gained control over a multimillion dollars company and use the rumors against me. My mother would likely hire a hitman if the press found out about you and I." She laughed but Kara knew it was painful.

They spoke about all her projects and Lena admitted that she was a bit of a workaholic. Kara might have scolded her about not taking breaks and not eating as often as she should. 

After a few moments of silence she speaks again. "What is he like?" That's the question Kara settles on. She wants to ask if he's better than her. If he makes her happier than Kara ever did. She wants to know if he's worthy of Lena.

"His name is Jack. We met in college. Back then we both had the same dream of becoming a scientist to save others. To make the world a better place. We were friends. Even started a project to cure cancer in his garage." Of course, he was perfect. She was almost jealous, luckily, Lena wasn't into men. So as long as she reminded herself of that, she could pretend they were speaking of a friend of Lena. Not her husband. 

"He started his own company once he graduated and by the time my mother wanted me to find a man, he was successful enough that she immediately approved of my choice."

"Does he know?"

"That I'm only into women? Of course. He's gay. I guess we found something that would benefit the both of us. It made his family and investors happy and it did the same to mine."

Kara nodded, taking a large sip of her drink. Normally she wasn't one to consume alcohol but she made exceptions.

"Can I ask you something?"

She nodded once more.

"Why the diamond?" Lena raised an eyebrow at her, looking at the ring on her finger.

Kara laughed nervously, embarrassed by the fact she had to admit Mike had assumed she would like it. "I guess Mike must have thought I'd want what other women around here do."

"There was a time when you would have taken that as a sign to walk away."

"I want a family. Always have. Mike can give me that. He wants to give me that." She sighed, "I'm not you, Lena. I'm not an attractive multimillionaire genius who probably has half the world lining up for a chance to be with her. I'm just Kara."

Lena sat down, looking right into her eyes. "Just Kara is the only one I ever wanted to line up for."

Suddenly the door opened. And in walks a drunk Mike. It took him a few minutes to notice their presence, despite the lights being on.

"Kar, you're home." he smiled but his eyes kept closing for a second too long each time he blinked.

"Who's your friend?"

Lena had got up by now and was making her way to her fiancé. She hated that word. Kara didn't know what she was about to do but she didn't stop her either.

Next thing she knew they were shaking hands. Both smiling at each other. "Lena. We used to go to school together."

"Luthor?" he asked, making Kara sigh.

Lena simply nodded.

Mike seemed to either be in a rush to pee or puke. Either way he walked into the bathroom as fast as he could in his inebriated state.

"I suppose I should go."

Kara quickly got up and walked up to the woman, now with their shoes off, she was again taller than Lena. "I suppose you should."

"Can you answer to one last question?"

Kara nodded.

"If I had showed up. Would you have dropped everything and left Midvale with me?"

She didn't know the answer to that. Too many times she had gone over it in her head. Yes, no, maybe. All answers she could see herself giving imaginary Lena.

"I don't think we will ever know what I might have answered had you shown up, Lena. I myself have wondered what my answer would have been. I've imagined myself running away with you. I've also imagined myself saying goodbye to you forever. I was never sure of how it would turn out. Each time I'd get up there, it felt like a gamble. Like anything could happen."

"But you're sure about him?"

She didn't get to respond because Mike called out to her and with apologetic eyes, Kara walked away from Lena and into the bathroom.

Once she came back Lena was gone.


	8. The bridesmaids

It was the morning of her wedding day. Kara knew that some people had doubts and worries. She knew it was common to hesitate. But she kept wondering if it ever felt like they were getting ready for a funeral.

That's what it feels like to her. Like she's mourning what could have been, her relationship with Lena, the dreams she had for the both of them.

Mike woke up before she did and he was out of the door to get ready at his best man's before she saw him. She was rather impressed, considering how drunk he had been just hours before.

Kara washed her face and looked at the mirror in front of her. Whenever she would imagine this day, in the reflection she would be smiling. She would be looking forward to this. Then again, in her dreams she would be marrying Lena.

Last night the girl she had been in love with had disappeared just as fast as she came back into her life. Just as fast as she had all those years ago. Kara imagines that by now Lena is back home. She sighed, tears forming in her eyes.

She had three hours until she needed to be at the church. Alex, Maggie and Nia were supposed to be over to take her to Eliza's. Which gave her plenty of time to dwell on her feelings.

Suddenly the doorbell rang and Kara felt hope for a second before dismissing it. She had to stop thinking about Lena.

It was Alex, Maggie and Nia. All smiling widely until they took in what greeted them. She doesn't remember the last time she might have looked this bad. Her eyes were puffy from all the tears she let out during the night. Dark circles were more noticeable than ever. Not to mention the fact she could barely fake a smile.

"What happened?" Alex was the one to speak first, making her way inside.

"Lena."

Alex grunted. "Again? She stood you up for years, Kara."

"I know. But..."

"If she wanted to be here then she would come back. I know you'd like closure but sometimes you have to give yourself that. "

"You're right." Kara nodded, taking a deep breath and sitting down on the kitchen table. Alex walking up to the coffee machine and turning it on. The other women proceeded to grab mugs and the sugar for the drinks.

"This is your wedding day. You should be focused on that. Not on a what if."

"Alex." Kara interrupted her sister. Her eyes avoiding any of them. "She came back."

"She what now?" Alex the detective had never been so shocked and Kara would have made fun of her for not seeing that coming had the occasion been different.

"She showed up last night."

Maggie sighed, Nia looked extremely uncomfortable and Alex might have been plotting Lena's death in that very moment.

"Lena explained everything but it didn't make any of it easier." Kara was fidgeting as she often did when feeling insecure, awkward or nervous. "She asked me not to marry him."

Maggie was the first one to speak up. "What was your answer?"

Kara shrugged, "She was too late. Maybe if she had shown up last year I would have got on the plane with her."

"She's gone home?" Nia finally spoke, clearly curious about the whole thing.

"Probably. I'm not really sure. We were talking and then Mike came back drunk and needed my help. Next thing I know she's gone again." A coffee mug was placed in front of her and she held unto it for comfort.

"Oh, Kara. She shouldn't have dared to come back after so long to ask that of you. How presumptuous can one be? To think you would just drop everything for her after nearly a decade away." Alex spoke softly but Kara knew her sister well enough to know she was angry at Lena. To know that she was keeping that anger hidden for her sake.

"She didn't ask me to leave him for her. She is... Married."

"Then what did she want?" Maggie seemed to find the whole thing interesting, judging by her expression.

"Lena asked me to leave him for myself."

Maggie simply nodded, giving Alex a look she couldn't quite understand.

Alex took a deep breath before tackling the issue at hand. "She might have a point."

Kara knew that. She knew that Lena had her best interest at heart. But it was a painful decision and she would be throwing away a decade of her life. Leaving a man who loved her, the best chance of having a family, leaving the town she had known for most of her life, the job she had her entire adult life... She was supposed to be getting married in three hours.

"What if I choose wrong?"

"What if doing nothing to change your life is the wrong choice?" another voice spoke out from behind her. She didn't have to turn around to know who it was.

Alex was staring at the woman, a mixture of anger and shock clear on her face. Maggie seemed far too entertained but with a hint of worry. Nia mostly looked confused at it all. She knew the least about their history after all.

There were footsteps approaching and then she saw a Lena with no make up, her hair down and messy and comfortable clothes to contrast what she had been wearing hours before.

"I thought you ran away."

"I needed to clear my head and take care of a few things."

Alex got up, taking a step towards Lena before Maggie did the same and placed herself between the two.

"Why are you here? Wasn't last night enough for you? Isn't it enough to have shown up here married and ask Kara not to marry as well?"

Lena opened her mouth to answer but didn't say a word.

"Alex, I think we should give them some space. They clearly have unsolved issues between them and us being here isn't going to help Kara."


	9. The morning

They had been told to write about their aspirations for the future. What they wanted to achieve, who they wanted to be, where they saw themselves.

Lena had written a lot. She had been reading it to her for the last ten minutes. While her girlfriend didn't mention her or their relationship, she had noticed hints of their future in there. There was a mention of building a supportive and loving family, of the apartment they had dreamed of in the tallest building of National City. She wrote about taking over the company her adoptive father had started, how she would use all their resources for good. All the noble causes she wanted to work on. Lena wrote about how she hoped that one day she could be successful in her career but still have a personal life. She didn't want to lose herself in her job, as she had seen her father do. Wherever she ended up and whatever she was doing, Lena hoped she could fully embrace who she is.

Kara wanted to be happy. She hoped that in the future she would be more daring, more bold, that she would go after what she wanted. She wrote about how she wanted her words to inspire change while keeping others educated and informed. How she wishes to get out of Midvale and achieve things bigger than herself. Not for the recognition, though. But so that one day she can look back and say she didn't settle. That she went after what she wanted and changed something in the world. She wants a family too. Kids. Someone by her side who supports her and pushes her to be brave when she's afraid. Someone who sees her giving up and tells her to get up and continue fighting.

Kara looks up at the brunette, smiling to herself. If she could then she would add that whatever happens and wherever she ends up, Kara hopes Lena is in her life.

_________________________________

"I thought you were gone. Again."

"I didn't think it would be right for me to be here while he was home."

She fidgeted with her glasses. The truth was that Mike didn't even know her and Lena were exes. He knew about the rumors and had asked her once about it but she had laughed nervously in response. He seemed to have taken it as a confirmation that it was all a silly rumor. Mike did know about them being best friends during high school but she told him that they had grown apart right after she moved away. Which was true so it wasn't like she was lying about anything. 

"He doesn't know."

Lena's right eyebrow was raised. Clearly confused about what she said. That shouldn't be an attractive look, yet it is. Then again, she is an attractive woman.

"About last night?"

"About us dating. The promise we made. Last night too. All of it."

"You didn't tell him about us?"

Kara shrugged, her cheeks feeling flushed. Her cheeks had certainly gained color.

"I didn't think he needed to know about a past relationship. It didn't seem relevant."

Lena nodded but Kara thinks she might have seen her looking hurt for a second before a neutral expression took over.

"I get it."

"So why did you come back?"

"I wanted to apologize. For last night. I was far too harsh and the whole thing might have made me sound like a entitled bitch. It's not on me to tell you how to live your life. It's on you. I was only trying to help because you seemed stuck. Then again, I haven't been around so maybe I'm wrong."

Kara knew she was stuck. She had known for a while but knowing it deep down and actually acknowledging it, were different things. If she were honest with herself, there wasn't a part of her life that brought her happiness. Not genuine happiness at least. Sometimes she would find joy in small moments but it would be gone as fast as it appeared. It was a temporary thing.

"I've been avoiding making difficult decisions for a long time. Especially if they involve any sort of conflict. And although I do appreciate you coming all the way here to help, I'm the one who needs to step up and define my own life. I will probably continue to make bad choices and maybe I'll make good ones too. But they will be my choices and I will deal with whatever they bring."

Lena smiled, nodding in understanding. She almost looked... Proud? It was the same look she would give Kara when she would present something in class despite being scared of doing so. She liked that look and didn't know how much she missed it until now.

"It looks good on you." Lena was smirking and it was unfair how attractive she looked at the moment. If Kara wasn't trying really hard to not let that get to her then she probably would have blushed.

"What does?"

"Standing up for yourself. Speaking your mind. Not taking any shit from anyone."

Kara looked down at her coffee cup, smiling shyly. Okay, scratch that. Being complimented by Lena had an affect on her. Lena still got to her no matter how many walls she put up.

"I'm not going to ask you what you chose. I'm only hoping that you are choosing for yourself and don't let fear decide."

Kara nodded.

"I should go."

Part of her wanted to tell Lena not to walk out of that door again. That part would always have love for the other woman. If that Kara had any control over her actions at the moment then she would ask her to stay. But it didn't. So Kara didn't ask and Lena didn't stay.

"I guess this is goodbye." Kara said, as Lena was walking to her car. She was holding her tears and hoping the other wouldn't notice. But she must have failed because Lena was looking at her like she wanted to hold her. If she had, Kara had a feeling she would have actually started to cry. 

"I have a new theory about life. What is meant to be in your life won't stop coming at you until it stays." she smiled but it was a sad smile. As if she had said that to cheer Kara up. Or maybe she was doing it for herself.

"I like that."

She offered Lena a smile and watched as she drove away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was the most difficult chapter to write. It took me two days of writing and rewriting the entire thing. I have about 5 different versions saved


	10. The interview

It's been a year. A year since her wedding day and now here she was. About to see Lena for the first time since. If she was to be honest, this year was painfully slow. But also it went by too fast. The duality of it was something else.

Too many things had happened since. Yet it felt like it had taken her a lifetime to get to this point in her life. Maybe because it quite literally had.

Kara was nervous. No, scratch that. They haven't invented a word to describe what she was feeling. Before she hadn't had the time to fully process what was happening beforehand. She hadn't expected it at all. But now she knew what would be happening and she was not ready for it in the slightest.

Her hands were playing with the notebook and pen she had with her as she made her way into the building. She had never been there. Never dared to walk inside. But here she was, walking through the entrance.

The building was surprisingly open. The entrance was big and there was a lot of natural light due to the fact the walls were made of glass except for very few in the middle of the building. It was modern and yet inviting and warm. She liked it.

Kara knew her heart was beating far too fast. If she didn't know any better she might be concerned that she was about to go into cardiac arrest.

She was directed to a certain floor and there she met a woman who she gave her details too. A meeting had already been arranged days ago by her boss. 

"You got this."

She didn't got it. Not for a second.

Kara might have thought she had it all under control but the moment the door opened to reveal the other woman she realised that there are certain things for which she will never be fully prepared.

Lena wearing a tight dress, high heels, a neat ponytail and red lipstick was definitely high up on the list. Okay, who was she kidding? It was at least somewhere in the top 3.

At least she wasn't the only one staring in shock. Granted they both had vastly different reasons but still... Lena seemed to have forgotten whatever she was about to say and was now looking at her with wide eyes and a slightly opened mouth. Kara on her part must have forgotten how to blink and breathe. She has to mentally scold herself to do both these things or she might pass out right there.

"Hello, Kara." Lena finally let's out. Blinking a few times too many before moving aside to let her into her office.

Kara pretends not to notice Lena rolling her eyes at whatever her assistant did or mouthed behind her back.

"Hey. It's been a while." She stated, asking herself what kind of greeting that was. But she doesn't dwell on it, instead she gets into the office. She shouldn't be looking around so obviously but she can't help it. It's interesting. She notices a few things right away. 

It's neater than she expected, having known Lena when she was a teenager, she knew how messy she could be with papers and books. She seems to have the same chessboard that she told her was her brothers over a decade ago displayed on a table. There were science and engineering books on the shelves, no surprise there. She had a balcony, although Kara would argue it might be too windy this high up to fully enjoy it all year round. And then her eyes were met with a particular photo. She didn't seem to have many displayed. Some of her family photos but that was predictable seen as this was Luthor Corp and some investitors would no doubt love that. Yet this one not only surprised her but made her stop on her tracks. It was a picture of both her and Lena. Anyone who saw it might have thought it was a casual photo of Lena winning a science award back in high school when she was in the science club. And sure, that's true. It was a photo of the day when not only did Lena kick ass in science but also when they first said I love you to each other.

"Sorry, I wasn't expecting you."

Kara shook off whatever she was feeling at the moment, pushing it deep inside for the time being. She turned around and offered the other woman a big smile. "Yeah, sorry, I guess CatCo didn't give you my name did they? You probably thought some random reporter was going to interview you and here I am. Miss Grant wanted me to do it. I tried to tell her it wasn't the best idea but I clearly lost that argument."

Lena hummed, walking to her desk and leaning back, almost sitting on the edge of it. Her hands holding the desk tightly as if it would crumble if she didn't do so.

"Did you... Are you working for CatCo then?"

Kara nodded immediately, too eager and happy to tell her the news. "I started some time ago. Miss Grant saw potential in me and made me a reporter. So here I am, reporting."

Lena nodded slowly, she seemed to be deep in thought before speaking again. "I'm happy for you. It seems it all worked out for you then."

She noticed her green eyes look down, maybe at the notebook she was holding unto tightly against her chest. As if it was the last barrier between the both of them and Lena was temptation she didn't want to give into.

"Turns out all I needed was for someone to nudge me to move. Thank you for that, Lena." she winked playfully. Lena seemed to not find her wink amusing because she looked down and didn't even laugh or smile.

"You're welcome, Kara. Should we get to the interview then? I was hoping to leave work early today."

Kara smiled, it was good that Lena seemed to be stepping away from work at times. She hoped that she would take the time to take care of herself. "Of course. Do you want to sit on the couch? It looks comfortable."

Lena seemed to hesitate but nodded, giving her a small smile in return. "It is very comfortable actually."

She followed the brunette to the couch, fidgeting nervously with the ring on her hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Should I have this chapter in Lena's pov? There are some little hints and details some people might not catch. But I'm worried a random chapter in Lena's pov might be off putting.


	11. The couch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lena POV

Lena was never a big fan of interviews. In fact, if it were up to her then she wouldn't give any. But it made for good publicity. Much better than the articles published by reporters who had never spoken to her and still decided she was just like her family. 

She had known Cat for years. Since she was a little girl. Lena had always admired the woman, not that she would admit so. So of course she agreed to an interview with one of her reporters. Whoever they were, she knew they would be true and not make her out to be a bad guy. 

What she wasn't expecting was Kara Danvers standing outside her office. In fact, she couldn't name something that would have surprised her as much as this. It didn't help that Kara had traded the cozy clothing she had last seen her with for a dress and heels. She hadn't noticed how nice her arms were last time they saw each other. Kara must go to the gym. Suddenly, Lena realised she was staring at her and decided to speak "Hello, Kara. Blinking a few times too many before moving aside to let Kara into her office.

Behind Kara she could see Jess raising her eyebrows teasingly. Clearly having noticed her reaction to the blonde. Lena simply responded with an eye roll. 

"Hey. It's been a while." Lena hated that even after nearly a decade, Kara's voice still affected her. Is it even possible for a voice to be warm? Lena trailed behind the blonde as they made their way into the office. Luckily she had clean her desk so the reporter coming to interview her wouldn't be met with the stack of documents she had been taking care of. 

She noticed Kara was scanning the room and suddenly felt self conscious. It wasn't a conscious decision but she wanted the woman to like her office. That office was a big part of her life. 

"Sorry, I wasn't expecting you." she blurted out. She really wasn't. As far as she knew Kara was still a reporter in Midvale. Then again, once she left Kara's on her wedding day she hadn't had the guts to look her up again. She didn't want to do so and be met with the information that Kara married Mike. 

The blonde turned around and offered her a big smile. That was enough to melt the strongest of men, Lena thought. "Yeah, sorry, I guess CatCo didn't give you my name did they? You probably thought some random reporter was going to interview you and here I am. Miss Grant wanted me to do it. I tried to tell her it wasn't the best idea but I clearly lost that argument."

Lena hummed, walking to her desk and leaning back, almost sitting on the edge of it. Her hands holding the desk tightly as if she needed it for support. As if that was the only thing keeping her upright. Inside, Lena wasn't nearly as composed. Her mind was racing and so was her heart and nobody, not even Kara, should have this affect on her after a decade. 

"Did you... Are you working for CatCo then?" eloquent as ever. Lillian would give her a hard time about this if she knew that Lena was letting someone make her barely able to form a sentence. 

Kara nodded immediately and Lena had to fight of a smile that was trying to force itself out. It should be illegal to be that adorable. "I started some time ago. Miss Grant saw potential in me and made me a reporter. So here I am, reporting."

Lena nodded slowly, she was here. She worked here. It was likely that Lena would run into her again. Kara was finally a reporter for a big media platform. She did it. "I'm happy for you. It seems it all worked out for you then." She wanted to hug her but she didn't. They were practically strangers now. But Lena thought of young Kara and how happy she would be to know this. 

Her eyes moved down, looking at Kara holding her notebook against her body and that's when she noticed it. The ring on her finger. Of course. Lena was happy for her, she seemed to be happy with her life. Even if she ended up getting married. The teenager in her, the one that would always love Kara, however was wishing that ring was there because of her. Not Mike. 

"Turns out all I needed was for someone to nudge me to move. Thank you for that, Lena." she winked playfully. Kara winked at her. And if she ever thought she was suddenly immune to the blonde then this proved her theory wrong. Goddammit, that snuck right in there and now she had to force herself to look away because she could feel the heat on her face and just knew she was on the verge of blushing. Lena Luthor blushing, her mother would have a field day with that one. 

"You're welcome, Kara. Should we get to the interview then? I was hoping to leave work early today." She would love to linger and spend the day with her ex. Weirdly enough. But part of her wanted to just rush this because having her feelings for Kara come back is something she wants to avoid. Especially when the other woman is married. Besides, these days she did leave before it was night time. And on the occasion she did stay until later, she would take mornings off the day after. 

"Of course. Do you want to sit on the couch? It looks comfortable." No. Absolutely not. She wanted to sit with the desk between them. She needed a barrier. But she didn't want to sound weird by rejecting her suggestion. 

Lena hesitated but nodded, giving her a small smile in return. "It is very comfortable actually." she would know. Lena used to sleep there sometimes when she did more work than living. 

Walking to the couch, she decided to sit on the end of it. Hoping the other would sit far away from her. It wasn't that she didn't want to be close but that would be bad. For her nerves and heart.

If there was something that made Lena Luthor weak, it was Kara. No matter how long it had passed. She was the only person she had ever loved. Sure, she had friends but that was different. That kind of love wasn't like the one she had felt for Kara. And yeah, Lena had hooked up with other people since. She even started to go on dates recently but nothing had felt like when she met Kara.

Everyone always dismissed it as something childish. Jack and Sam, her best friends, keep telling her that they were teenagers, how serious could it have been. But they don't understand. It wasn't about it being serious. Sure, they spoke of future plans but it's not like they were actually planning on marrying. It was about how she felt. Normally she's hyper aware of how she's behaving and with Kara she could just relax. She could be geeky and make mistakes. Even have flaws. And Kara never held that against her. She found a way to understand her and she still loved her. Nobody had ever looked at her like Kara did. Not even the women that would throw themselves at her and woke up in the morning wanting to turn their one night stand into something more. And none had made her feel like she was enough. That she wouldn't need to be a CEO, she didn't need the family money or anything else. She only needed to be herself. That was once enough for Kara. But everyone just dismissed it because of how old they were. Telling her that someday she would find an even better version of that. She dared them to find a better version of Kara.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little different but hopefully it brings some worthy information to you all


	12. The orbit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another Lena pov. I really enjoy writing from her perspective.

She sat both Sam and Jack down the night of the interview. They had never been told the full story of Kara and her. So Lena told them. She spilled all the details and what she got in return was understanding.

Sam told her to chase the girl. While Jack seemed more conservative about it all. His suggestion was to let her come to Lena. Sam argued that both times Lena had been the one to leave therefore she should make the first move this time around.

"I can't do that."

"Why not? She's finally in National City. You can be together and then we'll finally see what an in love Lena looks like." Sam argued, finishing her wine glass immediately after.

"I do have to say that I am curious about what that would look like." Jack weighted in.

Lena only offered a humm as she filled her wine glass and quickly drank it all.

_________________________

A whole month had passed by. An eventful one it was. A lot had happened during this time. A lot that she would have never been able to predict.

Because whenever Kara was involved, her life became unpredictable. It happened back when they first met and it was happening again now. Part due to Kara herself and part because Lena let unpredictability run its course in times like these. She let herself simply act and not dwell on the consequences too much.

After the interview was published, Lena filled kara's office with flowers as a thank you. The blonde had been kind enough to make Lena sound much better than she was in her article. It was something she felt the need to thank her about. Then, Kara repaid her by showing up with coffee and donuts. Which in turn made Lena take the reporter to lunch. Resulting in Kara bringing her takeout when she responded to her text telling her she hadn't had time to eat yet.

So here they were, sitting on the couch of her office while eating Chinese takeout and talking about whatever came to mind.

Somehow the subject of husbands never came up. Lena was too much of a coward to bring it up herself. She would live in ignorance for as long as possible rather than have to hear Kara tell her about being married.

They didn't speak as often as they once did. But they were adults with their own lives and careers. And they still spoke every few days at least.

Lena couldn't say when it turned into exes simply appreciating what they did for each other to friends who simply wanted to spend time together. But she wasn't going to let herself overthink that.

Her friends teased her about it all the time. They had some bet going on how long they would keep being just friends until they kissed. Lena didn't think that would be happening at all.

_____________________________

Lena was screwed and not in a fun way. She actually hadn't been able to get laid in weeks and all because of one person. Every single time she tried to sleep with someone, she kept imagining her ex. Kara was constantly on her mind.

Still, she subjected herself to seeing the blonde as often as possible. It had been six months since they had reconnected and each day that passed had their connection grow.

Kara had that affect on her. No matter how hard she tried. It was like a planet pulling in a moon so it orbits around it. Kara was her world and Lena lived to orbit her.

Just like when they were teenagers, Lena had fallen for Kara. As deeply and messily as possible and there was nothing she could do to stop it.


	13. The game

Kara didn't know how it happened. She couldn't pinpoint the moment where their casual encounter had turned into friendship and then into her pinning over Lena.

But here she was, looking at a sleeping Lena and wishing she would wake up and kiss her. She wondered what her kisses were like now that it had been so long and she had more experience. Would it feel different or the same?

The movie ended minutes ago but she didn't want to wake Lena up. She decided to just let her sleep for as long se necessary. Maybe it was selfish. Maybe she should wake her up so she wasn't sore once she did. But this was the only way she could truly stare at the woman. Which, said like that, was kinda creepy.

She needed to talk to her friends, especially her sister. Maybe they could give her some advice on what to do about this.

___________________________

It was Lena's first game night since back in high school when their game nights were just them, Alex and some of Alex's friends. But now she was back.

She had met Nia and Maggie a couple of times but it was her first time meeting Brian, James and Kelly. All of which became friends with Kara when she moved to National City. And hopefully Lena would fit into their little friend group.

She would love to be able to hang with all of them at the same time. 

Game night went as usual. Well, except for the fact Lena Luthor was unusually good at board games and beat them all easily. She was even better than she used to be back in high school. 

They laughed, ate, drank and played for hours and then it was time to leave. This time game night had been hosted at Kara's, next time Lena was in charge of it. She already announced that she might add a couple of her friends to the mix too if they're available and Kara is excited to finally meet them. She knows it's Sam and Jack, considering Lena has only ever mentioned them.

The CEO stays behind and helps her clean up after everyone sneaks away, even after Kara claims that the host cleans as per usual. But Lena still lingers. The woman even hesitates to say she's leaving after all is clean.

"I hope you had fun."

"I did. It was probably one of the most relaxing nights I've had in a while. I had missed game night."

"I missed you being apart of it."

"You found a good group to replace me."

Kara shrugged, "Not even they can replace you, Lena Luthor."

The other simply smiled.

"Don't forget, next time it's at your place. I want to see what your apartment is like."

She seemed nervous but maybe it was due to hosting game night for the first time.

Eventually Lena put on her coat and walked out of her studio, Kara following her behind into the hallway. 

Lena turned around once more, to say goodbye before walking away and the blonde just couldn't help but give her a tight hug. One that the other returned after a few seconds of surprise.

_____________________________

Their schedules didn't allow game night to happen until three weeks later and Kara was more than prepared to kick Lena's ass at it.

And also to see her apartment. She was just too curious about what it would look like.

Suddenly, she found herself staring at the tallest building in National City. The text Lena sent her, telling her to go up to the last floor. No way.

Lena Luthor did it. She bought the apartment of their dreams.

As the elevator went up Kara had to quickly shove her emotions somewhere to keep them from showing.

Sure, she bought the apartment they spoke about years before. But so what? Buying a penthouse in a luxurious tall building was a power move. That must be why she had done it. Not because of a silly dream they had in high school.

Lena Luthor opened the door much faster than she had expected. As if she had been waiting for her by the door. Kara could barely contain her excitement when she entered the apartment.

It was modern as she had expected and of course the main color scheme was black and white. But there were white flowers and picture frames around the apartment. It wasn't cold and snoby. It was simply sophisticated, like Lena.

She rushed to look at the view from the living room windows, it was even more amazing than she had imagined.

"I just had to buy the apartment when I saw this view."

She hadn't noticed but Lena had been standing a step behind her. She was currently between Lena and that window and it was unlike Kara but she couldn't help but imagine Lena kissing her against it.

Nope. Not going there.

"You should show me the rest."

"I suppose I shouldn't be surprised that you'd be curious about it. Let's go then."

______________________

Game night went better than she would have predicted. Both Jack and Sam fit right into the group and they almost seemed like they had all been friends for years.

At some point during the night everyone got heated over a board game and started to playfully argue about the correct answer. Then her eyes met Lena's and they smiled at each other. All Kara could think was that they had found their people. The two girls that never fit in had found their own little family by choice, not blood. And it was messy, weird and a bit random but also funny, supportive and accepting. And she loved it so much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait for this chapter. I've been spending most of my time either working or sleeping so I haven't been writing.


	14. The apartment

The end of the night came far too quickly, as far as she was concerned. She didn't want to go home but it wasn't as if she could stay at Lena's. They weren't teenagers anymore and having a sleepover after having dated was a big no.

Yet she finds herself staying over to help Lena clean. With the excuse of paying her back for doing the same.

They were still drinking as they cleaned and Kara was definitely affected by the alcohol. Judging by how much her thoughts kept wandering to kissing Lena.

Then they both reached for the bottle of wine and their hands touched. Kara swears her skin was burning where Lena's made contact.

She might have even leaned in, she could almost feel the other woman's breath when suddenly someone called Lena. Causing both of them to take a step back.

Lena seemed almost embarrassing by the name on the phone, although Kara didn't recognize it.

"Tell me you're not getting work related calls at midnight."

Lena moved her hand through her hair, looking down as if she was ashamed.

"Lena."

"No. It's not a work call." Lena defended, biting her lip lightly.

Kara could die right there and then. Lena biting her lip had always been hot but now that she had grown into this Lena, it was a thousand times hotter.

She simply stared at her friend, waiting for her to elaborate.

"I have a date. If you must know."

Take it back. She didn't want to know. She didn't want to think of Lena on a date with someone else. Or imagine her kissing her date and doing god knows whatelse to them. Fuck that.

"Oh. Have fun."

Lena gave her a nod and what Kara suspects is a forced smile.

"I have to go. Cat likes me to be at work before she gets there. This was fun, Lena. Can't wait for the next game night. Whenever that happens. Maybe then I will beat you. Probably not but we'll see. Anyways, yeah, I'm going now. Bye."

She knew that she was rambling but Kara couldn't control it. It simply came out and then she walked out of the apartment as fast as those words poured out of her mouth.

_____________________

"How did it go?"

"What?"

"Last night. You stayed behind at Lena's. How did it go?"

"We just cleaned after everyone."

"I didn't ask what you did. I asked how it went, Kara."

Alex was staring at her with those understanding eyes. As she had many times before. She must have noticed something was off during game night.

"The apartment. It was our dream. We always said one day we would move here, get that apartment and start a family of our own."

Alex nodded, if she was surprised then she didn't show it. Although Kara had never told her of these plans before.

"I guess it hurts to see that she is living our dream but with other people."

"Other people?"

"Last night she told me she had a date. She's dating."

Alex's expression filled with understanding and empathy. She had seen that look from her sister many times before.

"You still love her."

"Maybe."

"I wasn't asking." Alex smirked. "I thought I saw it last night too. The way you looked at her. It hasn't changed, Kara. Not since high school. If anything now that you two reconnected, it seems more intense. Less puppy love and more adult."

"It doesn't matter. I was too late. She's dating and she's going to live with her in that stupid apartment and I'll have to see them be happy together."

"You said she's going on a date. I don't think we should be assuming it's anything more than that."

Kara nodded, forcing a smile. "Yeah. It just hurts."

"I'm not the best at relationship advice but maybe you should tell her how you feel."

"What if I just end up ruining our friendship?"

"Kara, I've seen you together twice since you moved here and even I can tell that you want to jump each other's bones. Which is gross given that you're my sister. But I'm afraid that if I have to see you two looking like that again I will lose it. So for the love of God, save me from that."

Kara blushed, embarrassed that she had been so obvious about it.


	15. The taco

Lena kept filling her nights with plans. Either she would try to make plans with her friends or she would go on dates or sleep with different women. Simply to keep her mind busy so that she wouldn't have to think of Kara.

But the more time passed, the closer they grew together and the harder it got.

What was she supposed to do? Kara had a ring and even if she didn't mention Mike, they were likely married. She probably avoided the subject simply because it would be awkward to mention him.

And Lena was a Luthor. Luthors didn't get hung up on people. They got out there, with their best fake smile, killer outfits and made it seem like they were the shit. So that's what she did.

If she were to be honest, she would have to admit that it wasn't really working. But she kept it up. Maybe she would find someone who could keep her mind busy for more than some hours of meaningless sex or boring conversations.

And of course, that brought her to this club where she would be meeting her date. She honestly almost cancelled after the whole thing with Kara. After she almost gave in and kissed the blonde. But then she was out of her apartment and Lena couldn't let herself overthink her reaction. So she busied herself with the woman on the phone.

They had flirted. Though, for Lena it was more of a performance than actual flirting. She told her what she was sure she wanted to hear and confirmed their plans.

Flirting was surprisingly easy when you don't give a fuck. That's what she found out after she started casually seeing people. With Kara it used to be easy but in a different way. It came naturally but it made her feel nervous. In a good way. With others it only boosted her ego and got her what she wanted, their attention and desire.

The night went as she had predicted. They drank, spoke, flirted and then Lena found herself in the apartment of this woman. Staring at the ceiling as she laid on her bed.

The sex had been great. Nothing mind blowing but then again, she had never experienced mind blowing. So great was as good as it was going to get. She allowed herself to wonder if sex was Kara was this good or even better. Maybe worse. No, probably not worse.

Kara had been her first, a decade before this. It had been so long and since then she had gained a lot more experience and knowledge on the subject. Still, she considered Kara to have been her best. Even if both of them were sloppy, messy and didn't completly know what they had been doing. With her, sex was fun in a different way.

It was laughing, joking around but also passionate and sexy. Then again, they had been horny teenagers. Maybe it wouldn't be all that exciting now that they were adults.

Not like she would find out.

The woman besides her moved slightly, causing Lena to break her chain of thought. She looked over and sighed. The woman was hot, a successful lawyer and she was great in bed. Lena should be trying to pursue a relationship with her. Instead, she was starting to think of where her clothes were so that she could sneak out without waking her up.

_________________________

They were having lunch yet again. Kara wasn't working so she made sure to go over to L-Corp so that they could eat together. Lena suspects she just wanted to make sure that she would actually have a meal.

"Why did you buy that apartment?" Kara blurted out, mid conversation. They were speaking of something completely different so Lena never saw that coming. Which left her staring at the blonde, a confused look clear on her face.

"What do you mean?"

Kara fidget with her glasses, before speaking again. "That apartment. It was our apartment and you bought it. Why that one? Why not some big mansion somewhere else?"

Lena bit her lip lightly, thinking of the best way to answer to her question. "I suppose I wanted as much of our future plans to be real as possible."

The blonde must have not been expecting such answer because she kept opening her mouth to speak and closing it before any sound came out. She probably thought that Lena would give her some bullshit about how nice the apartments are. But she didn't want to lie to Kara.

"Maybe more of those plans had been fulfilled if you had come back." the reporter whispered, mostly to herself.

Lena didn't want to fight. She knew that what she said was fair. Lena should have gone back sooner. She should have kept her promise. But things aren't so black or white. Things aren't that simple. Her life got messy and she needed to figure her shit out before going back. And besides, Kara was married. She replaced her when even now Lena can't do the same. Even after staring at that fucking ring, mocking her.

"I suppose there will always be many maybes and what ifs between us."

"I guess so."

"I am sorry if it upset you that I live there. I didn't really think you would have cared or noticed."

"Guess you underestimate how much I care."

Lena hummed. Kara might care but not enough to not marry Mike.

She knows how unfair it is that she's thinking about it in this way and yet she can't help it. It isn't like she was there anyways. It isn't as if she made herself an option.

"Let's speak of other things. How did your date go?"

Lena shrugged. "It was fine."

"Just fine? Are you going to see her again?"

"Probably not." she dismissed the whole thing with a wave of her hand. Bitting into her taco. "How's Mike?"

Kara seemed taken back by the question but recovers in a second, offering her a smile. "He's good. He owns a bar now."

"That's good. He must be happy." He better be happy, considering he is with Kara. Anyone who is that lucky should be smiling all the time and consider themselves the luckiest person alive.

"He is. So am I. Happy for him, I mean."

"Good."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kara is clueless and didn't realise that she should have made it clear she isn't with Mike.


	16. The plane

It was Kara's birthday. She was turning 28 and Lena wouldn't miss that birthday party for anything. So she cleared the entire weekend. Made some excuse weeks in advance and proceeded to make everyone go on a trip to one of the lake houses that the Luthors had. They took her jet. Except for Sam and Jack who traveled from different cities they had been at.

For the flight Lena asked for everyone to confirm their presence and let her know of all plus ones. Nothing really stood out until she noticed Mike wasn't on the list. 

She made a mental note to ask Kara about it when they were on the plane. 

The flight would take two hours and Lena was glad it wasn't any longer than that. She didn't care much for flying on big metal boxes. Even if she was used to it. 

_______________________

Mid flight Lena turned to Kara who was just listening to music as everyone else either slept or spoke with each other. 

"Aren't you sad that Mike couldn't come?" she tested. 

Kara shrugged. "Not really. He has work." 

"But it's your birthday." 

Kara shrugged again. "It's just a birthday. He has a lot of responsibility now. He did send me a card." 

"What do you mean sent?" Did she mishear it? Sure, she hadn't noticed anything of Mike's at Kara's studio, but surely they lived together. 

"Like through mail. You know, old school."

"Why wouldn't he just give it to you in person?" 

Kara's head tilted in confusion, her eyes scanning Lena's face. "Midvale is too far away for that Lena."

"He's in Midvale?" 

"Of course he's in Midvale. Where else would he be?" 

Lena opened her mouth to speak but closed it before actually letting out a few words. "In your house with you?" 

Kara chuckled. "Why would I share a house with my ex?" 

What? 

She was silent for too long. She knew that. Was extremely aware of it. Yet couldn't move. Kara and Mike had broken up God knows when and she was only now finding out. Kara who was sitting in front of her was likely single. Kara was available. Maybe. 

"I thought you said you stalk my social media." 

Lena ran a hand through her loose hair, blinking away her confusion and surprise. 

"I haven't since your wedding day." 

"Oh." 

"Wait. But the ring." she looked right at the ring on Kara's finger. Brows furrowing trying to make sense of it. 

"Oh. That." Kara was currently a few shades more red than minutes before. "It was my mother's. Not Eliza. My birth mother. It was meant to be for me when I got married, I guess. But the truth is, when I was younger, before my parents died, I talked to her. Told her I liked girls. Maybe even more than I liked guys. She told me one day I could give this to a very special girl. Or whoever else I ended up loving."

"Guess you are saving it for when you find that someone. And here I was, thinking you were married." Lena chuckled lightly, feeling slightly embarrassed.

Kara muttered something she couldn't make out then smile. "anyways, bottom line is, I am not married. This just means a lot and I thought I'd wear it until I can give it to... Someone."

"I feel really dumb now."

"You're literally the smartest person I know. Only rivalled by Brian. So if you're feeling dumb then what does that make me?"

Lena smiled, feeling slightly better that her mistake was being brushed to the side. She glanced to her right side and saw Maggie smirking at her. Like she knew something than both her and Kara didn't. In front of her Alex was watching a movie while to the other side of her and Kara both James and Winn were deep in sleep.

_______________________

"The master bedroom is mine but other than that any of the rooms is fair game."

The moment she announced this, everyone quickly made their way to the hallway like excited children and started claiming bedrooms.

Kara ended up choosing the one right next to hers and she had to admit, sleeping so close to where Kara would be laying, would do nothing to stop her mind from imagining impossible scenarios. It was going to be a long weekend.

Even more so when she saw Kara claiming that they absolutely had to swim in the lake. Because, yes, what Lena needed was to see half naked wet Kara.

Why did she suggest this?

"Luthor." Maggie muttered, standing a step behind her. She hadn't even noticed the woman until then. "If you do it, you better not walk away this time."

"What?"

"Let's say that, hypothetically, you were all smitten over a certain blonde. If you were to go down that road, it would be in your best interest to know that both Alex and I know how to fight and own guns."

"Are you giving me the conservative and slightly sexist father of a teenage daughter talk?"

Maggie smiled, shrugging. "I wanted to see your face. Besides, after what you pulled last time it might be necessary." 

Lena raised her eyebrows. "Kara and I are just friends now. You'd be better off giving someone else that speech."

"You'd think. Yet that girl rejects people left and right. You're like the only person she even talks about. Lena this and Lena that. I now know more about you than I do about most people in my life. You two are gross and that's being said by someone who has her gross moments with Alex."

Lena said nothing. Of course Kara would mention her. They were friends.

"And don't think I didn't see that hopeful look once Kara told you that she wasn't married. Lena Luthor, you are not as sneaky as you might think."

"I have no clue what you're talking about."

"Sure you don't." Maggie raised her arms, starting to walk away. "This is the only time I'll bring it up, Luthor. But you better choose wisely it's either your little dates or Kara. And this time there's no do overs."

Of course Maggie would know about her dating around. She was too observant not to notice every little detail.

This would only make the entire weekend all the more difficult. She would have to try her best not to let the detective see just how into Kara she was. Because she didn't need to have Kara weirded out by her feelings. She didn't want her to distance herself. And Maggie being too sure about it meant Alex was that much closer to knowing and then it would inevitably end in Kara knowing that Lena Luthor is a utter dumbass who loves her ex.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I find it so much more fun and easy to write from Lena's pov


	17. The lake

"Come on, Lena. Come in the water." Kara was currently screaming from inside the lake, water up to her shoulders and hands montioning for Lena to join her.

She wanted to. Badly. Yet she was also stuck. As if she were frozen. As if part of her was saying that if she took a step forward, it would mean so much more than just joining Kara on that goddamn lake. It would mean everything.

And then she sighed, because Kara won. Everytime. She won back in high school when she got Lena to open herself up to her and then date her. She won when, even though it took years, Lena went back to Midvale for Kara. And she won now, that her blonde hair, blue eyes and flawless smile wouldn't leave her mind.

Because no matter how much of a fight Lena Luthor put up, Kara seemed to find a home in her mind. And heart but that was something she didn't even want to acknowledge at the moment.

So there she was, taking off her t-shirt and stepping towards the water. Because goddamn she was smitten. She knew Maggie must have looked damn smug right about now so she avoided looking at the detective. Instead she looked at the water between her and Kara.

"I told you guys she would join us." Kara declared, all too happy to have been right.

"Whatever. It's not my fault Lena's pale skin deceived me. She seems like she hangs in the shadows at all moments." James countered, offering Lena a friendly smile. Clearly he was joking around.

Lena smiled back. "I'll have you know that I have spent summers doing these type of activities with Kara over there. I just happen to always look like a vampire cosplayer."

"Should I be worried that you know what a cosplayer is?" Winn asked, laughing.

"It's all Kara's fault. She used to be all about superheroes and comic books when we were in high school. I now know more than the average person."

Kara scoffs. "I'd like to remind you that you were the one who bothered me for days until I finally gave in and watched star wars because it was, and I quote, the best thing ever."

"Princess Leia is the best thing ever."

Kara smiled, splashing Lena with water once she was close enough to her. "Geek."

"I wasn't the one who wanted to become a reporter because of Superman." she countered, watching as both Winn and James looked at kara with surprise. Clearly they weren't aware of that.

The rest of the day was spent either on the water or on the sand near it. And the world must be plotting against her because during the entire time Kara kept her t-shirt off. Which meant that Lena was now fully aware of how ripped Kara Danvers was. And she had not prepared for that. At all.

The Kara she knew in high school was strong but this Kara was on another level. This one could probably lift her up with ease. This kara had abs and biceps and looked like she spent a few hours a week at the gym. At least.

And Lena spent too much time imagining what it would be like to be lift up by her. First in an innocent way and then in a rather explicit sense.

If Maggie noticed how truly thirsty Lena seemed, she didn't say so. Which Lena appreciated because she already felt terrible about the images on her head.

If Kara knew, she would judge her.

____________________

They all gathered in the living room. Eating the food that James, Alex and Maggie had barbecued for them.

Sam and Jack had arrived just before dinner and joined them at the table. It was nice. Having these many friends and getting everyone together while having a nice time.

If Lena allowed herself to really think much about it then she might even start crying.

She never had so many friends. She never had so many people who cared about her.

______________________

Lena didn't want to go to bed. She didn't want to sleep only to wake up on the last day of their little get away trip. She wanted to enjoy every second of it. Fully awake. So she sat on the couch, a blanket over her body, glass of wine in her hand and a movie playing on TV. And everyone, one by one excused themselves to their bedroom. Leaving only her and Kara.

"Today was fun." she let out. Taking another sip of her drink.

Kara, who was sitting opposite to her on the large couch, nodded. "I loved it too. I'm sure this will be the best birthday I have had in a while. Maybe ever."

"Someone has high expectations."

Kara shrugged, "Everyone I love is here. Except for Eliza, of course. I've never had so many people I love around on my birthday before."

Lena nodded, she completely understood where she was coming from. Lena's birthdays were mostly spent in her office, working. Unless Sam and Jack dragged her somewhere. And even then, that's two people. She couldn't imagine the happiness of having these many people come out to celebrate her birthday.

"I'm glad you're happy."

Kara smiled brightly.

After a few seconds of silence, Kara spoke again. Changing the subject of the conversation.

"Why didn't you invite your date?" 

Lena blinked a couple times, trying to think about what she meant. Oh, right. That date.

"It isn't serious."

"Oh. I thought people dated so that it could become serious."

Lena shrugged. "People date for all sorts of reasons. Love, lust, need, interest."

Kara seemed to be deep in thought for a couple of seconds before she said anything more. She wished that she could read her mind sometimes.

"So why are you dating?"

The brunette chuckled. She got her there. "Depends. Sometimes it's a matter of need, sometimes I simply want to fill my mind with other things or in this case, people."

Kara hummed in response. Still looking like she was thinking hard.

"What about you?"

"Me?"

"Of course. I suppose I wouldn't know when you and Mike broke up but I'd expect you to move on eventually."

Kara fidgeted with her glasses before smiling nervously. "We broke up right before the wedding. I guess it has been a while but I don't know about dating. Not that there haven't been... Offers. I just haven't got one that made me want to say yes."

"I see." Lena nodded slowly. "So dating isn't something you're actively looking for."

Kara drank some of her wine. "You could say that."

_____________________

When Lena finally laid down on her bed, all she could think about was how Kara was sleeping in the next room. How this had been the closest they had been since high school to sleeping together.

She spent far too long awake, fighting her mind who insisted on imagining things that weren't at all appropriate.

And then she fell asleep.

Until she woke up in the middle of a nightmare.

Okay, it wasn't actually a nightmare. It was a dream of the life Lena wished she had with Kara. But it is pretty damn scary when it seems so impossible to make it happen. It's like her mind was just torturing her with what she could have had but doesn't have.


	18. The land

"Happy birthday!" they all screamed at the same time once Kara made her way downstairs. They had planned to wake up early ahead of time. Wanting to surprise the blonde.

In the living room there were balloons, shaped to form happy birthday. As well as presents from all of them.

"I don't know which to go for first. The cake or the gifts."

They ended up eating the cake before opening the presents. Which wasn't the healthiest choice considering it was their breakfast. But part of the joy of being an adult was that you could just do things like this.

One by one the gifts were opened by Kara, who seemed to have a permanent smile on her face.

First she opened James' gift. It was an old camera. One of his that she had commented on before, saying she would love to try it out. As they both told the group. 

Next, was Winn's who gave Kara a new board game to add to their collection for game night. They vouched to play it during the next time. 

Then, both Jack and Sam gave them theirs. Jack's was a new invention of his. She could only describe it as a spy pen. A camera and recorder built on it. He told her that as a reporter, it might come in handy. Sam's was a photo framed of their first game night together. She would absolutely display it on her studio.

Maggie gave her a leather jacket, stating that she could now match her and Alex. Followed by Alex who gave her a necklace. One that had been on the family for generations, with a cheesy speech to match.

Finally it was Lena's turn and she handed her an envelope. Kara was confused but also curious and immediately opened it. All to find a piece of paper.

Kara had told Lena about her birth family. How they had always tried to preserve animal life and green spaces. How their dream had been to own land to have animals safe. That's why Kara had always had an interest in science.

The piece of paper declared that Lena Luthor had started the zorel foundation. To help preserve the world's florest, by buying a few hectares and protecting it. Ultimately fulfilling her parents' dream.

When Kara suddenly jumped on her, hugging her tightly, Lena found herself frozen. Unable to breathe until she had to consciously get herself to do so. Her eyes meeting Maggie's who gave her a knowing look. 

______________________

They hadn't had a moment alone since the night before Kara's birthday and she hated that. Because one of the best parts of her week was to have one on one conversations and meals with the blonde. But lately she had been way too busy working on a big story so they hadn't seen each other in over a week. 

Lena needed to distract herself. Ever since that weekend all she thought about was Kara's defined wet body and that was just wrong. And frustrating. So she decided to find someone who would keep her mind and body busy for a couple of hours. 

If she thought about it then she would likely have to acknowledge the fact this wasn't exactly the healthiest way to deal with her attraction towards her ex. But what else could she do? It was either this or making a move on Kara. And if she made a move on her friend she could just loose her again. 

She couldn't risk that. 

Yes, sex with Sam's business acquaintance would do for now. 

______________________

She was good in bed. Lena couldn't deny that but there were moments where she found herself allowing her mind to wander. And her mind was really curious about Kara. 

More specifically, it wondered if she was better than this. Her guess would have to be yes judging by her body. Then again, as far as Lena knows Kara had only been with her and Mike. So maybe she had a lot to learn and improve on. 

Someone rang her doorbell moments the sex was over. Thankfully they didn't interrupt that. If there is one thing Lena doesn't appreciate is being interrupted mid orgasm. 

Unless we are talking about extending the pleasure but that's another topic. 

"Are you going to get that?" the blonde woman next to her asked, looking in the direction of the noise. 

"You should put on some clothes before I do." she responded, grabbing her clothes and putting them on as well. 

They hadn't made it to her bedroom so currently, there were clothes discarded everywhere. 

"Your bra." the woman announces, gently throwing it at her. 

"Thanks." 

A couple of minutes later she opened the door. 

"Hey Lena. I went by L-Corp but I was told you were home so I thought we could eat something and catch up." 

Lena didn't open the door all the way at first. "Hello, Kara. I wasn't expecting you." 

"I tried to call but you didn't answer so I figured you probably brought work home." 

Lena hummed. "I wasn't working." 

"Oh. That's good."

Kara was still standing at her front door while holding takeout bags. Meanwhile Lena screaming internally because what was she supposed to do? 

The way she saw it there were two ways to go about this. Either she tells Kara she's busy and doesn't let her in. Or she tells Kara the truth and makes the whole thing awkward and weird. 

Great. 

"Your mother is calling you." a voice spoke from inside the apartment. And if Lena had heard it then so did Kara whose eyes scanned the background. 

"You have company." Kara didn't seem to be asking. It sounded very much like a statement. 

Then her eyes went down to Lena's body. She doesn't know what Kara saw but she could see that her brows were furrowed. 

"I guess we'll reschedule. Have a good night, Lena." 

"Kara. You don't have to go." 

Kara was already walking away, still facing her. "I should have made sure you were free. That's on me. I'll call you tomorrow." 

Lena doesn't know what to say so she simply stares as Kara leaves. 

_______________________

Kara doesn't call the next day.


	19. The office

Lena knew she fucked up. She wasn't dumb.

Of course that Kara knowing she's hooking up with people hurts whatever chance she might have with the blonde.

But then again, she loves her. And she doesn't want to loose her.

With something like this, there's such a fine line between taking a chance that ruins a friendship and taking a chance and succeeding. She wishes that she knew the other woman loved her back.

But Kara remained an enigma in a way. Because she knew what Kara's favorite food, movie, music and much more were. But she didn't know if she loved her.

Sometimes Lena had spikes of bravery and thought about simply admitting her feelings and going for it. Then she remembers that there's a chance she wouldn't have Kara in her life afterwards.

She already went through not having Kara for too long. Is it worth risking it? And of course, her mind can't say for sure.

Because yes, Kara is literally the hottest person she has ever seen, as well as the most interesting and the one she has connected with the most. But Kara is also someone who makes herself small and settles because she's scared.

Lena doesn't want her to either hide or be with her for pity or something if she were to confess her feelings.

It's a whole dilema.

______________________

After Kara didn't call her the next day, Lena decided to be proactive about it.

Realistically she had done nothing wrong. There was no shame and nothing wrong with a single woman sleeping around. If it had been a man anyone would justify it and accept it as a normal activity.

But she supposes it makes her the slut that she's sleeping around.

Not that that's why Kara practically ran away. Although Lena is unsure of the blonde's feelings towards her, she's sure that even without loving her it would be awkward to find out your ex had just been doing it when you went over to their apartment.

Lena had found out that there were marks on her collarbones when she went to the door as well. Which didn't make it any less awkward.

Clearly, she would have to talk to Kara. Maybe try to casually mention the subject and find out if she cares in an ex who is just awkward about the situation or maybe in some other way.

She should also stop seeing people for a while. There were starting to be rumors about her going around. Which she honestly didn't even mind anymore.

Lillian could die mad about it for all she cares.

If people found out she was a lesbian she wouldn't lose any sleep over it.

But people finding out she's having casual sex with more than one person might actually hurt her.

For whatever reason people still shamed that. Especially the white men she did business with. The same ones doing the exact same thing.

Fuck double standards.

At least she wouldn't have to worry about these rumors coming out while she was married to Jack. Luckily the divorce had been final for months now.

_____________________

"Before you make an excuse, I know you have a couple of hours free and I am hoping to take you to your favorite restaurant."

Lena hadn't even said hello before that. She just walked to Kara's office and spoke those words. Leaving the blonde looking at her with surprise in her eyes.

"I can't. I'm going to have lunch with my sister and then come back to work."

Kara hadn't even looked at her while speaking.

"I knew it. You're being weird about it."

The blonde shook her head. "Why would I be weird, Lena?"

"Because you went over to my place when I was with someone else. It made things awkward didn't it?" 

"You're single. You can fuck whoever you want." 

Kara still hadn't looked at her. 

"The fact you just cussed only makes me think you are weirded out by it even more." 

Kara shrugged, typing into her laptop. "Think whatever you want, Lena. I'm busy and I have no time to have lunch today." 

Lena nodded. "I'm not giving up. I'll let you dwel on it all and continue to be weird about it for a while. I know it would be awkward for me too if I ran into you while you were with someone else. Well, it already was with Mike. So I understand. But I'm going to come back tomorrow and try again."

She turned around and left. Already planning her approach the next day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lena technically hasn't done anything wrong by fucking people. I know as readers it might seem that way but she is single and we do not shame being sexually active here.
> 
> However, she has fucked up by making things weird and not approaching Kara and letting her know what's up about her feelings and intentions instead of using sex as a copping mechanism.


	20. The conversation

Lena waited until the next day to approach the blonde again. Before it was time for Kara to go out and have lunch, she made her way into Catco.

"Hey." she tried not to come off so strong this time around.

Kara looked at her before staring at her notebook again.

"Hey."

Right. Things were still weird. "Can I take you to lunch today?"

Kara didn't really respond.

"We should talk about it if it bothers you so much."

Kara placed her pen on top of the desk and finally looked up. "I already told you that you can sleep with whoever you want."

Lena rolled her eyes. "Not if it will cause you not to speak to me. " she let out, raising her voice slightly in frustration.

Kara got up from her seat, moving around her desk to stand in front of Lena. "I've just been busy." 

She sighed. "That's bullshit and we both know it." 

Kara didn't respond. 

"I didn't mean for things to become awkward between us. I hope you know that."

She took a step forward but was still far from the blonde.

"I know seeing your ex with someone else can be weird. That's how it was with me when Mike showed up that night. It made all these feelings I didn't know I had show up."

"I didn't know you were upset about Mike." her words were barely spoken. So softly that Lena barely heard them.

"Of course I was. First when I found out about it through social media, then when I found out about the wedding and lastly when I saw him walk in that night. Even afterwards. You would wear that ring and the entire time I would be thinking about you with him."

Kara looked down at her ring. She seemed to be deep in thought. "Why did it upset you?"

"It's always strange to see your ex with someone else."

Kara nodded.

"Is that all?"

Lena ran a hand through her hair. "I think we need a drink or two if I'm going to really get into it all."

"I thought you wanted to have lunch."

"I know for a fact you have the afternoon free and I can clear mine. What do you say?"

_______________________

They must have been into their third or fourth drink by the time the subject came up again. Takeout on the table in front of them as they hung out at Kara's apartment.

"I suppose I should explain my behavior."

Kara nodded.

"I never had another relationship, Kara. Only ours. So I suppose I never got to just be with women. Which isn't a complaint. I never wanted another relationship. I've wondered what it was like but I never had much of a desire for it. Not with anyone else."

She took a moment to compose herself and her thoughts before continuing. Her fingers fidgeting with each other.

"When I finally got divorced from Jack I saw an opportunity to fully embrace who I am. My sexuality and desires. Before then I had never done such thing. But I figure that if you were brave enough to go for things, then so should I. And I started going on dates and even sleeping with women. For the first time in my life I was free to do so. Meanwhile, you and I kept growing close together."

She wasn't looking at Kara. Instead, she was staring at her own hands.

"As weird as it might be that only drove me to go for anyone that isn't you. My psychologist would likely call it a horrible coping mechanism."

"Why? Why did that make you want to find other people?"

"Its easier. With them I don't have to care. I don't have to worry. We have our fun and then we both move on afterwards."

Kara hummed.

"The truth is, I am scared. Terrified. There's nothing that scares me more than losing you. I don't want to do something that might cause that. Not again."

"You won't." Kara took a deep breath before speaking. "I was hurt, yes. You told me that you were going on dates, I shouldn't have been surprised about it. And maybe eventually you find someone who makes you want to be in a relationship again. I should be okay with that. You and I aren't together. I don't actually have a reason to be upset about this. But I am."

Lena nodded. "I'm so sorry, Kara. I truly didn't mean to upset you."

"You don't actually have anything to apologize for. If I weren't so scared I would probably try to go on a date with the people that my friends have tried to set me up with. It's nothing to be sorry or ashamed about."

"I'm still sorry that I hurt you. I've hurt you more than I ever wanted to. When I left, when I didn't go back and now. I don't think I deserve you."

Kara smiled sadly. "You did hurt me but I didn't go after you either. And I got upset about you being with other people when I'm not even brave enough to tell you the truth. We have both made mistakes."

"What truth?"

The blonde chuckled but she could tell that she was nervous. "That I was waiting for you on that roof because even if I was with Mike, I never loved him. You think that you're so awful for using other people when you're finally free to explore your sexuality. But I used someone to try and get over it. I was going to marry him. And the truth is, I never did it. I never got over you. I don't know if I ever will."

Lena didn't know how to react. She didn't know if she should kiss the woman or not. But taking into account everything done and said, she guessed they had a whole lot of talking to do before they got to the kissing. If that were ever happening anyways.

"I keep trying to find happiness in all these different women and whenever I am laying there, I think of you. I think of what it would be like to be next to you instead."

Kara was crying. She only found this out now that she actually looked up at her. Lena wonders at what point the tears had started to fall. She could feel her eyes watering as well. It was hard to not break down completely.

"I wish I could tell you that we can be together."

Lena felt that like a punch in the gut.

"I do love you. I always have. The closer we get, the harder I fall. But we clearly have things to talk about first."

"I'll clear my days if I must." Lena attempted to joke, offering a small smile.

Kara smiled back. "I've been so afraid to tell you how I feel. I had missed you so much. I didn't want to mess it all up." 

"I don't think I had ever known how much I miss you until I had you back. Before I thought of you all the time. But now, I can't imagine going through life without you by my side. In whatever way is possible. As a friend or something else. I just want you in my life, Kara."


	21. .

............

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't think I will be finishing this due to comments left. Apparently not reading if you do not like something isn't obvious enough to some people. Therefore I shall stop writing fanfic.

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and comments are appreciated. Thank you for reading!


End file.
